I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
