i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize