Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
