Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
