dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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