Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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