New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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