You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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