we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize