david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
