You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
