Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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