By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
