Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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