Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
