dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
