whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
