Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he just fucked me for my cheese.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
