He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
