that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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