it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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