Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
