break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
