Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
