Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Vodka?
Forever.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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