Rock
Scissors
Fuck
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize