I skipped work to stalk him.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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