the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
