I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
