Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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