My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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