sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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