So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
