So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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