Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
