hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
