i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
