I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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