Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
