I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
