guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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