making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
