I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
