just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
