Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
