Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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