I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
