ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize