I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
