last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
