i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
