11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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