Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
