I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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