3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
