I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
