his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
