I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
