The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
