too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
