what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize