Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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