He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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