What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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