I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
