she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
