apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
