The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Someone came in the potted fern
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
