i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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