Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
