we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
