Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
