I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
