i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
