I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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