Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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