nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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