did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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