At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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