Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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