I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
