official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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