dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You ruined the universe
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
