I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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