we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
